Today just seems really fall-ish. All day at work today (a total of 6 hours) I listened to the Nat King Cole Pandora radio station. All day long I felt the cool breeze blowing through the window from outside... and all day long I thought about fall.
And these are the things that I think of.
- Nat King Cole/Ella Fitzgerald/Bing Crosby type music
- Crisp Apples
- Coffee mugs
- Pine scented Candles
- Grass
- Baking with pumpkin in my kitchen -bare-footed and apron-clad
- Reading Jane Austin on a quilt in the grass
- Taking a walk through the woods
- Sleeping at night with all the windows open - bundled up in my feather blanket
- Painting... with anything: finger paints, acrylics, water colors, etc.
- Making hand-painted chocolates
- Blue silk scarves
- Old-fashioned cameras
- Your grandpa's sweater that's too big, but still fits just right
- Brown toe nail polish
- Picnics with a best friend
- Antique shopping
- Opening all the windows so that the earthy smell from outside will come inside
- Hippies playing guitars under beutiful old trees
- Blondies (a type of brownie) chalk full of pecans
- Hearts carved into trees
- Clothes lines
- Hammocks
- Caramel
- Campfires
Honestly... this list could go on and on for pages and pages... so I'll just leave it at that and say again how delightfully cheery and fall-ish today has been.
This is the conversation that I had with the Walmart cashier, Leetta, this morning.
Me: Good morning, how are you? Leetta: I'm good, I had some restroom problems yesterday though.
*awkward pause*
In my head: Do I respond to that? Just show... compassion, Savannah. It's only awkward if you make it awkward.
Me: Oh. I'm sorry. Hope it's better today.
Leetta: Oh, it is. Although it wasn't this morning.
Me: Hmm. Well.
Leetta: Yesterday was by far the worst. There was this one time where I almost didn't even make it through one transaction with a customer. I was lucky that I did.
In my head: oh my... please... don't go any farther. Why are you saying this?
Me: *sympathetic head nod*
Leetta: Yeah, and then, one time, I had to call over a CSM (Customer Service Manager) to help me out. It was rough.
In my Head: You really don't look like a person who would share too much information. Hmm. Guess you can't judge a book by the cover.
Me: Uh-huh.
Leetta: And like I said, it happened again this morning when I got here. Darn register problems. Had to get the computer tech out here twice to fix it. But I can finally get through a transaction without the computer shutting down.
*stunned silence*
Today's grateful thought: That I didn't say anything about restrooms... or Gas-X. Or fiber. Because that would have been awful.
I'm glad it was "register" problems and not "restroom" problems that were ailing my cashier.
I have an aerial view of a massive warehouse... it's as if I'm suspended from the ceiling and have super-power eyesight... I can see every corner of this gigantic place.
In the middle of this concrete expanse is a woman. She's standing with her arms at her side, her face in a mournful expression. Surrounding her, and covering the floor of the warehouse, are supplies. An immense amounts of supplies. In my opinion, you could probably build a whole house with what I see placed around her. Not that I'm some kind of construction guru... but still. There are hammers, nails, power-tools, drills, and a LOT of wood, siding, roof shingles and even some plumming things. It's pretty much an endless supply.
As I look down at this woman, however, I realize that I can hear what she's saying. She's pacing around in the tiny amount of space that she has (the only space not covered in building material) and moaning, groaning and complaining. She's saying that she's inadequate and ill-equipped to build her house. I gasp in surprise and shock! How can she say that? She's surrounded by everything she could possibly need? And now that I think about it, aren't those construction and architecture geniuses in each corner of the room? How can she possibly say this!? She has everything she needs!!!?
Proverbs 14:1a "A wise woman builds her home"
I'm that woman in this story.
I struggle with some feelings of inadequacy... It's an attack that I have been feeling lately.
I'm not wise enough to lead a Bible Study.
I don't have more than 5 Bible verses memorized, so what right do I have to be a leader?
I don't ask ALL of my classmates to come to a Wednesday night Word & Worship, so how come I am supposed to encourage others to be bold and do that exact thing?
I'm ill-equipped. I can't do it. I can't do these tasks. I can't have this responsibility. I'm inadequate.
These are the thoughts that have quietly been sneaking in my head for the past two months. And this morning in my quiet time was the first time that I really brought this up with Jesus. In my conversation with Him this morning, I started telling Him of my feelings... And I just began to ask Him to look inside my heart, observe and scrutinize it all, and come back and tell me what He found that was not in His will. Whether it was something that I wasn't doing, something that I was doing that I shouldn't be, or if it was some kind of thought that wasn't founded in Him, I wanted Him to pick it out and reveal it.
Proverbs 3:11-12 says, "My child, don't reject the Lord's discipline, and don't be upset when He corrects you. For the Lord corrects those He loves, just as a Father corrects a child in whom He delights." I know that my whole thought process of "I'm ill-equipped"is messed up. It's not right. But I couldn't for the life of you tell you why. So I wanted (and still want) God to come in and see and judge my heart, correcting me in His loving and merciful way. His correction is only going to hurt if I let it. I can take His corrections and use them to get closer to Him. Psalm 139:23 [Amplified Bible] says "Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!" I wanted this, and I got it.
I felt like I just needed a verse to meditat on, so I turned to the proverb of the day... and got through half of the first verse.
Proverbs 14:1a - "A wise woman builds her house"
How do you build a house? With supplies and tools, and by picking those things up and using them.
I'm surrounded by equipment and building materials.
I am involved in one of the most out-reach and ministry oriented campus ministries in the nation.
My pastor is legendary (ha, literally... this is what people in Duluth told me when they found out who my pastor was).
I am completely surrounded by people who are chalk-full of wisdom, and who basically hand it out like free candy.
I have like ten Bibles. Plus, a really great study Bible.
I have access to all sorts of podcasts, and sermon series from every major church in America.
And Jesus equips me everday.
It's just those days that I choose not to pick up what He gives me and use it that I am "ill-equipped".
A wise woman builds her house... so I need to start building mine.
I need to pick up the materials (books, God's Word, Sermons on CD's, worship music) and apply it to my life.
A house isn't built unless you spend time and effort doing so.
I'm not going to have the knowledge and wisdom that I want unless I am willing to put time into reading His word.
I'm not going to become even more closer to Him, unless I pick up my responsibility in our relationship. He doesn't want a one-sided friendship or a one-sided conversation.
I'm not going to be ill-equipped any longer. I'm picking up the tools that surround me, and putting them to use.
I'm going to be the wise woman that builds her house.
