Update How-To Process for the Clumsy

1. It's important to begin with being bare-footed, as this "sets the stage" for the recommended two out of four incidents.

2. Place the pillow from the couch on the floor, stand up from current sitting place on couch, heavily step on pillow, making sure that the pillow slides quickly out from under you.

3. Crash to the floor, making sure there is a heavy impact between knees and floor, along with sliding forward... producing rug burn.

4. Wait five minutes.

5. Trip over shoes (the ones you took off from earlier, to make sure your foot had no traction when hitting the pillow), fall to your already rug-burned knees. The important difference in your fall this time around, to make it doubly treacherous, place your right hand out towards the coffee table. This ensures that the palm of your hand smashes forcibly onto a large screw-looking thing sticking out of the table.

6. Now bleed a little.

7. Regain balance and compose yourself. Pray for grace (Not the saving kind, you already have that, the other kind that keeps you on your feet)

8. Go fix hot tea to distract you from the burning on your knees. Plug you computer in, so that the cord stretches across the living room. Place a minimum of 4 items on the coffee table beside your lap top.

9. Stand in front of your laptop drinking your tea, and accidentally burp. This will cause the hot tea to spurt out your nose. Quickly turn and head towards towards a napkin, in my case it was located in the kitchen.

10. Entwine your feet in the computer cord, tripping yourself, and causing all items that you had previously set on the table to fall off.

11. Give up with staying at the house, and go to dinner at the local College Cafeteria.

12. Walk out to your car to head over to a night of fun games at your Christ Ambassador house, and step in a pothole. It's important to note several things at this point. 1) You should already be sore from the previous falls. 2) You should have considerably weak knees. 3). It should be pitch black out, so that you are not expecting the pot hole.

13. After your foot hits the hole, let your knee give out so that you crumple to the ground in a heap. Scrap skin off of your knee cap and elbow. Meanwhile, slightly twist your ankle.

14. Lay on the ground for several minutes, groaning in pain, bighting your lip to stop crying.

15. Bleed a lot.

16. Get a bandaid.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is some advice on how to be clumsy... of course, this information is gathered from my own personal experience. I wouldn't want to mislead you. No, no. I make sure that all of my "How-To's" are taught from my own mistakes, I mean lessons.
Good day.