Adding to my book collection...

So today I finish classes and come back to my cozy house... my attention is immediately grabbed by this facinating brown cardbord box that is sitting on the dining room table. Dare I hope it's for me? Ah! It is! I give a shout of delight and race to find a knife to open it with! Inside *gasp!* are B-O-O-K-S.

They are from my dearest Aunt Julie. And I am awfully excited! (See picture below)

(my excited face, but with no makeup - sorry)

She bought me three books!
1) same kind of different as me - by Ron Hall and Denver Moore, with Lyan Vincent
2) A Girl of the Limberlost - by Gene Stratton Porter
3) No Compromise: the life story of Keith Green

I'm pretty excited to read these lovely books... unfortunately it is going to have to wait until summer. *sigh* School beckons...




Blog topic for tomorrow: I got the Favor!

Horses, Job Offers, and Brilliant Ideas

This is Danni. She lives on a farm. Well, she lives in Murray, but her parents live on a farm. And this weekend, we got to go to her house.

Danni's family is absolutely amazing, and are some of the best hosts and hostesses I have ever met. They are warm and welcoming, honest and genuine, sweet and sassy. And they randomly ask people to come live with them. (I'll explain that later)

I can easily and truthfully say that Danni's house is one of my all-time favorite places to visit.

This is city-girl-J-lo, my best friend. Jennifer was born to live in the city.... you have no idea how true this statement is.

This weekend when we went to Danni's, Jennifer came along and we had a wonderful time. A highlight that, of course, included Jennifer was watching a highly suspenseful movie, "When a Stranger Calls" and watching Jennifer jump out of her seat (she was laying down) and give a gut-wrenching throaty scream. =) How fun!

And this is me with my new best friend, Duster.

The best part of this weekend was that we got to go horse back riding on Duster and Jake, two of LeeAnne and Patrick's horses. We road all over the farm in the most beautiful weather we have had in a while.
The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the fields were a brilliant green.

I love farm life. This isn't something that I just recently figured out... I have always loved being outside and I have always loved animals, and I have always wanted a cow. The fact is, this trip just intensified the desire to live on a farm. And while we were out riding I fell in love with horses. I haven't ridden a horse since my family moved away from our Mountain Shadow Manor Lane horse ranch in California, where we bred Arabians. It's been a long time, about 11 years. Well, Duster brought back that love of horses that is in my blood -- I get it from my parents. I remembered how to saddle a horse, put in the bit, and lunge the horse before riding it. I feel quite pleased with myself, since no one showed me how to do this, it was just something that I remembered to do and was good at. Nobody even had to tighten the girth on the saddle! *score*

Not only do I really REALLY want to live on a farm now, but I must own horses. It's a given. There is no way to get around it. And I need to have a dog like Rain (sorry, I don't have a picture of this golden haired beauty) to ride the trails of my 235 acre ranch with me.

Do you get the picture? I want to live on a ranch, own horses, go horseback riding, plant a garden, have a cow (not figuratively, literally), walk in the woods, and spend quiet times sitting on a log in a flower-carpeted meadow. 

To make it worse, LeeAnne offered me a job. As a live in Nanny. If you were to open up my journal and read it, you would probably find where on some dream-infested days I have entered in my desire to be a live-in Nanny. That's how much I love kids. Well, Tanner and Macy are great, LeeAnne's farm is great, LeeAnne's horses are great, LeeAnne's house is great (there are chickens under the porch!!) and LeeAnne is great. That's a lot of greatness for one farm. She said that she would pay me $25 a day and give me room and board. In return, I would "slave away" while watching the two children. I would "work" and participate in the children's daily activities to keep them safe and keep them from getting bored while the parents were at work.... The job description is gruesome, I know, but I must go on. I would have to play outside, go fishing, and ride horses all day long.

Gah. It's killing me. Unfortunately, *sob* I can't. I have to stay here in Murray and work at Sparks to earn a lot of money. If it weren't for the fact that from January to May I won't be able to work due to my social work internship, and for the fact that I will be going to grad school in May where I will also not be working.... I would call LeeAnne right now and tell her I'm there.

But it's ok. Life moves on. I'm pretty sure that I will somehow get to live on a farm someday. What would be REALLY awesome and would incorporate ALL my desires would be this (imagine with me): I could work at a residential treatment center ranch.

Here's what that would do:
1) Allow me to share the all-consuming love of Jesus with people who desperately need it.
2) Allow me to use my Masters in Social Work.
3) Allow me to be a counselor/therapist.
4) Allow me to work with eating disorders and self-injury.
5) Allow me to work in a residential setting.
6) Allow me to work in a christian work place.
7) Allow me to live on a ranch.
8) Allow me to have animals.
9) Allow me to play outside.
10) Allow me to go horseback riding. (It's a type of therapy!)

It's brilliant.

Those are basically ten things that I have wanted to do for years now....
And it would be perfect.

So instead of pining away for a summer job that I desperately want but cannot have, I will pray that maybe one day God will be able to use me in a residential center for girls.... that is a horse ranch. And has lots of animals. And a garden.

Is it enough to say that I love you?

Thursday I had two hours in the middle of the day that suddenly became free time... "Ooooo! What's that?", I wonder. "Maybe... uh, maybe I could cook! Or maybe I could..., oh! oh! I know! read! Who-oh. That's awesome."
And then, I got a better idea.
I went to get lunch, got it to go... and went home for a date with Jesus. I pulled my hammock out into the woods behind my house, grabbed my Bible, journal and food and started my date with Jesus.
I'm laying in the hammock, hat pulled over my eyes to block the bright light. My tummy is warmed by the sun shining down. It's simply glorious out. My shoe-clad toes are buried in crunchy leaves, causing the hammock to sway.
I'm happily basking in His love.
Suddenly, I'm filled with the desire to tell Jesus how much I love Him. I'm thinking, "Hm. Jesus, I love you a lot... Let me tell you how much, right now."
And although it seemed silly, here's what I did.
Jesus, I love you more than...... my love for cooking.
I love you more than........ my desire to stay in Murray and work in Christ Ambassadors forever.
I love you more than........ my Ralph Lauren "Blue" perfume that I have worn for 4 years.
I love you more than........ my favorite book.
I love you more than......... my love for laughter.
I love you more than......... walking barefoot on soft, green velvet grass.
I love you more than......... all my favorite movies.
I love you more than......... my mustard yellow cardigan.
I love you more than........ my best friend.
I love you more than........ finding a recipe that uses garlic, basil and shrimp.
I love you more than........ my family.
I love you more than........ all my hopes for my future.
I value you more than the breath that I breathe.

This weekend at a conference in Nashville, Bryan Kim taught on how God loves to hear that we love Him. Song of Solomon says that His heart is ravashed by us... and that our one glance at Him made Him hopelessly in love with us....

Song of Soloman 4:9 Message
"You've captured my heart, dear friend.

You looked at me, and I fell in love.
One look my way and I was hopelessly in love!"

In the Amplified version it says it this way,
"You have ravished my heart and given me courage, my sister, my [promised] bride; you have ravished my heart and given me courage with one look from your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace."

One glance at God, one little "I love you" or "I miss you" makes His heart beat violently in His chest for us.
So it started off seeming a little silly, but really.... I was meant to tell Jesus how much I love Him.
I love when people tell me that they enjoy time with me... that they love me... so doesn't He love that too?
I know that He wants to know that I love Him more than all the big and little things in life that I value or enjoy the most...
I want to do this more often. I want to sit down, and tell Jesus that I love Him more than all of my favorite things.
Because He is the life-giver. He is the joy-maker. And He melts at my whispers of "I love you".

You are His Love...

Recently, it struck me how many people don't know that they are loved by Jesus. They don't see the blinding all-consuming love that He has for us. People don't realize that HE desires US... that HE wants to spend time with US. I know... its so hard to fathom... it's literally impossible to know how much He loves us. But I do know that it is quite possible to know that He loves us more than we can imagine. Listen to this...

You know when you look at the stars, and even though you know it's impossible, you try to count a few of them and become amazed at how confused you got? You thought you could count a lot, but there are so many you lose place? Well, God wants you to be awed by His love for you... He wants you to try to count over and over how many times He trys to tell you He loves you... and be completely amazed when you see how much He does.

This might be only for some girls, romantic fools like me, but do you know the rush of emotions that flood you when you imagine a girl in a field, arms spread wide, flowers in her hair, twirling in a flowy white skirt? That's us... that picture of beauty and perfection.... and spinning in His delight... Who created that image? Who placed those emotions in our heart?

There are certain situations... certain times that create these intense emotions in us... these are some of the same feelings that Christ has for us. Here are some (slightly cheesy) examples.

...When you are playing a video game you get really caught up in the excitment and chaos of it, right? You are so overwhelmed with intensity that your eye might twitch, your shoulders and neck tense up and your heart beats faster. If you are a gamer, you understand. Well do you not think that Christ has this same intensity for us? Do you not think that when we spend time with Him, that His heart beats faster, this His eyes are focused in us to the point of crossing? His feelings are so incredibly intense for us. His love is overwhelming.

...What about when you are playing a sport, baketball for example. You have the ball, you are running down the court... You weave in and out of the defensive players, carefully aim and shoot the ball. You put all this effort in to sinking this ball from the net... and it misses. How do you feel? My intention is not to compare the strategy of basketball to Jesus' love, but to relate to the feeling or emotion of missing a shot. Jesus is constantly running beside us, throwing things in our way to grab our attention. Do you know how often Jesus talks to us, and we miss out on it? That his "ball falls short of the net"? Can you imagine how he longs to make up for that missed love song? He tries over, and over, and over and over. His love never fails. He doesn't give up when we miss out on some sweet word or favor-filled blessing that He throws our way... He keeps trying over and over.

And what about those creative talents that God has given to people? Is that not proof of His love for you?

Who else but God would give you such an artistic eye as to capture a picture with a uniqueness that no one else has?

Who else but God would give you the ability to paint a picture that awes a crowd with it's beauty?

Who else but God gives you the ability to use a piece of wood with strings and raised bumps to play a gorgeous melody?

Who else but God gives you the gift of words, that with a story you can change hearts?

Who else but God lets you clothe people with cloth material, spreading His love everywhere?

Where in the world do you think YOU got YOUR love for people?

And what about your longing to help other people? Where you the first with a servant's heart?

All these gifts, talents and characteristics He gave to you... to show you He loves you.

Black skin, freckles, red hair, almond shaped eyes, short legs, long arms... they are all beautiful to Him, because of His love for you... because He created you, designed you.

Please I beg of you... you have to know and believe that He loves you with an intense passion... Read His love letters, look at the people and creativity around you, and open your eyes and ears to what He is constantly trying to show you. If you do, you will be swept off your feet.

Thoughts for the day....

1) I love wearing the color mustard-yellow. And clothes that people wouldn't normally put together. No, I don't wear these mis-matched outfits all the time... mainly because I'm lacking on clothes right now... but when I do, I just love it. It builds confidence. Haha. That's funny. The style that most people don't like or prefer, is the one that just lets me "wear joy on my sleeves". =) For example, here is my outfit for today. I'm wearing a mustard three-quarter length sleeved shirt, with a dressy lacy short sleeve open thing, with a mint-colored bird pin, a necklace made of recycled paper by beautiful children in Sudan, and shoes with flowers on them. My friend, Andy, commented this morning and said it makes him think of Woodstock.

2) I don't blog consistantly. It's always a goal of mine, to blog more often, I just struggle with finding the time. And when I do find the time to blog, I could sit and write forever. I have revelations from my times with Jesus, 100 point lists, stories, analogys, recipes and ideas all piled up in my head... that I would love to share with you. So yeah... one more time, I'm making the goal to blog more.

3) I followed the advice of a friend, H.L. Hussmann (who has an awesome blog here), and spent time with Jesus a little bit differently. I went through my whole day with Him. I know He's always interested in my life, and wants me to share it with Him... but do I ever do that? Do I ever take the time to tell him everything I did that day, and all my thoughts and feelings that occured in the past 24 hours? Nope. I sure don't. So I did. And it was just.... really.... fantastic. Yes, I spend time with Jesus. No, I don't tell Him about my day during out talks. And when I did today, it was wonderful. I was conversing with my best friend, and I know He loved it. Not only did it feel great, but He sure did give me some revelation about some things that I never would have thought of had I not talked with Him about it.

4) Boy, am I blessed in friendships. I never have had so many best friends in my life.... it's grand.

5) I can't wait to blog about how Jesus shows us He loves us. I just want to show you how, no matter what you look at, you should see how much He loves you! It's a crazy kind of love!

6) I love all natural peanut butter. It tastes great.