In the middle of this concrete expanse is a woman. She's standing with her arms at her side, her face in a mournful expression. Surrounding her, and covering the floor of the warehouse, are supplies. An immense amounts of supplies. In my opinion, you could probably build a whole house with what I see placed around her. Not that I'm some kind of construction guru... but still. There are hammers, nails, power-tools, drills, and a LOT of wood, siding, roof shingles and even some plumming things. It's pretty much an endless supply.
As I look down at this woman, however, I realize that I can hear what she's saying. She's pacing around in the tiny amount of space that she has (the only space not covered in building material) and moaning, groaning and complaining. She's saying that she's inadequate and ill-equipped to build her house. I gasp in surprise and shock! How can she say that? She's surrounded by everything she could possibly need? And now that I think about it, aren't those construction and architecture geniuses in each corner of the room? How can she possibly say this!? She has everything she needs!!!?
Proverbs 14:1a "A wise woman builds her home"
I'm that woman in this story.
I struggle with some feelings of inadequacy... It's an attack that I have been feeling lately.
I'm not wise enough to lead a Bible Study.
I don't have more than 5 Bible verses memorized, so what right do I have to be a leader?
I don't ask ALL of my classmates to come to a Wednesday night Word & Worship, so how come I am supposed to encourage others to be bold and do that exact thing?
I'm ill-equipped. I can't do it. I can't do these tasks. I can't have this responsibility. I'm inadequate.
These are the thoughts that have quietly been sneaking in my head for the past two months. And this morning in my quiet time was the first time that I really brought this up with Jesus. In my conversation with Him this morning, I started telling Him of my feelings... And I just began to ask Him to look inside my heart, observe and scrutinize it all, and come back and tell me what He found that was not in His will. Whether it was something that I wasn't doing, something that I was doing that I shouldn't be, or if it was some kind of thought that wasn't founded in Him, I wanted Him to pick it out and reveal it.
Proverbs 3:11-12 says, "My child, don't reject the Lord's discipline, and don't be upset when He corrects you. For the Lord corrects those He loves, just as a Father corrects a child in whom He delights." I know that my whole thought process of "I'm ill-equipped"is messed up. It's not right. But I couldn't for the life of you tell you why. So I wanted (and still want) God to come in and see and judge my heart, correcting me in His loving and merciful way. His correction is only going to hurt if I let it. I can take His corrections and use them to get closer to Him. Psalm 139:23 [Amplified Bible] says "Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!" I wanted this, and I got it.
I felt like I just needed a verse to meditat on, so I turned to the proverb of the day... and got through half of the first verse.
Proverbs 14:1a - "A wise woman builds her house"
How do you build a house? With supplies and tools, and by picking those things up and using them.
I'm surrounded by equipment and building materials.
I am involved in one of the most out-reach and ministry oriented campus ministries in the nation.
My pastor is legendary (ha, literally... this is what people in Duluth told me when they found out who my pastor was).
I am completely surrounded by people who are chalk-full of wisdom, and who basically hand it out like free candy.
I have like ten Bibles. Plus, a really great study Bible.
I have access to all sorts of podcasts, and sermon series from every major church in America.
And Jesus equips me everday.
It's just those days that I choose not to pick up what He gives me and use it that I am "ill-equipped".
A wise woman builds her house... so I need to start building mine.
I need to pick up the materials (books, God's Word, Sermons on CD's, worship music) and apply it to my life.
A house isn't built unless you spend time and effort doing so.
I'm not going to have the knowledge and wisdom that I want unless I am willing to put time into reading His word.
I'm not going to become even more closer to Him, unless I pick up my responsibility in our relationship. He doesn't want a one-sided friendship or a one-sided conversation.
I'm not going to be ill-equipped any longer. I'm picking up the tools that surround me, and putting them to use.
I'm going to be the wise woman that builds her house.
So how do you go from an attitude of "I need to" to "I'm desperate to?"
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