" Steps to Make a Perfect Fool Out of Yourself at College"

I feel the need to give you dear readers a step-by-step guideline to show you how to make a "perfect and complete fool of yourself."
Whether or not this is from my own experience *coughtodaycough*, I will leave that up to you.

1. Begin the day by wearing flip flops. Preferably ones that have no tread on the bottom. If you have a pair of Old Navy flip flops that have been your best friend for at least two years, that would be perfect! 
2. Meeting a professor in a hallway somewhere on campus, you should walk with him/her to his/her office. It would be best if you are wanting to make a good impression on the professor you so happen to be walking with.
3. Wearing your no-tread flipflops, and walking to an important meeting with an important professor, look for a small, pool of water in the middle of the hallway.
4. Allow your foot to land straight in the middle of the pool of water, and fall. Yes, that's right. Fall. Fall flat on your butt, in the middle of the hallway. Your 4' 6'' professor will then try to help you up. Assuming that you are 200+ pounds (like I am) make the situation as awkward as possible.
5. I forgot to mention that you should have had your keys in your back pocket as well. That way when your teensy-weensy professor is trying to haul you up off your back, you can be immobile due to agony since something just hacked open your cheek. Or at least it felt that way.
6. To top everything off, the teensy-weensy-needs-to-be-impressed professor should then go and get the Chair of the entire Health and Human Services College (that would the Social Work Department, as well as Criminal Justice and Gerontology Departments) to come and clean up the small pool of water. 
7. The pool of water, which should be no more then a couple drops of water, should be made up to be a GINORMOUS deal. The student worker in the Social Work department should be called to "mop" up the water, and the janitor should then be called to fix the drip from the sprinkler.
8. To complete making a fool of yourself, please make sure that everyone in the office that you just walked into, along with the three people who were trying to help you, knows all about you falling flat on your back.

There. My job is done.